Drama to Empowerment

Uncategorized Mar 05, 2018

The triangle on the left is what David Emerald calls the "Dreaded Drama Triangle" in his great book, "The Power of Ted".  The one on the right is the empowerment triangle.

We all have been inside the Drama Triangle.  That is called being human.

The trick is to recognize you are in this triangle and shift to get to this one:

 

Let's look at the 3 characters we can inhabit in the Drama triangle:

Each position needs the others.  They cannot exist without the other two positions. 

  • The victim orientation is about  experiencing a loss.  This can be anything from a natural disaster, a death, an illness, an injury, a lost promotion, lost raise or the failure to reach a goal.    The key to getting into victim mode is the feeling of helplessness and believing your current situation is something you have no control over.  The result is that when those feeling arise we get "defensive, submissive, over-accommodating to others, passive...
Continue Reading...

Gerbil Wheel?

Uncategorized Jan 29, 2018

 

How to get off your gerbil wheel and create more happiness and success not more exhaustion.

The Gerbil Wheel!

Have you been on life's equivalent of the Gerbil Wheel?

Me too!

I used to think that in order to be happier and more successful, I needed to work harder!  More time, more effort, less fun and play.

When I was practicing law, I thought that success was counted in the billable hours my bosses wanted.  So, I tried to meet those crazy billable hour requirements.

Ever done that?  Work so hard you don't have much else but ... work?

I told myself that it is only crazy for a while!  Things will calm down and then I will work out or eat better or call some friends, plan something fun - but life just kept marching on.

Then years went by.

Wow!  That didn't work!

That is a recipe for burn out, depression and well, exhaustion!

I even changed careers to slow down.

But, instead of slowing down I just worked FASTER!  Firefighters do everything with...

Continue Reading...

Equanimity Game

balance feelings Dec 04, 2017
 

A Fun Game To Regain Your Inner Balance.

This  game challenges us to regain our inner balance through mindfulness techniques.

The whole point of the game is to improve the time it takes you to regain your inner balance.  Here is how it works:

1. Notice when we are out of balance.  Something has brought up feelings that you are resisting and wrestling with.  Stop the wrestling!  Notice.  

2.  Feel it.  What ever the feeling is feel it without judgement.  Feelings are not good or bad, just feelings.

3.  Make a choice to let it go and regain your balance.

4.  Note how long it took you to regain your balance and make a game of doing it just a tiny bit faster next time.

5.  Build your bounce back resiliency!

I used this game the day I heard of it from Brian Johnson (amazing philosopher and all around cool guy).  Two things were delivered to my post box that brought up strong feelings that I could have gone into rumination...

Continue Reading...

It might not work out ...

failure mistakes Dec 01, 2017

Yes, that is totally true.

And, if you don't take the chance, if you fail to step out and give it a try, if you play it safe ... then it definitely won't work out. 

 

Know any of these folks?

  • "Stephen King threw away his first novel, Carrie, after it was rejected thirty times.  His wife fished it out of the trash.
  • Henry Ford went broke five times and was advised to stay out of the auto industry because he didn't have the money or the know-how.
  • Annapolis rejected Dwight Eisenhower.
  • USC rejected Steven Spielberg three times.
  • Steve Jobs was removed from the company he started.
  • Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.
  • After his role in American Graffiti, Harrison Ford had to go back to carpentry.  Then, Star Wars happened.
  • "Unfit for television," Oprah was fired from a reporting job because she was too emotionally invested in her stories.  She eventually became the host of The Oprah Winfrey Show, which aired for twenty-five seasons.
  • Meryl...
Continue Reading...

Game Film

 

Ever felt like waiting to take action on a project or goal until you felt more confident or motivated?

We all do this!  

The funny thing is that science tells us that this is exactly the opposite of what we want to do!  

Actually taking the action creates the confidence and the motivation we think we need to move towards success!

Fear of making a mistake or failing to reach a goal keeps us from taking action.  

Of course, when we don't take action towards a goal, we fail to reach it anyway so we create the "failure" by failing to act.

What if you could think of failure in a totally new way?

Steve Chandler (author, speaker and coach) talks about seeing failure as GAME FILM!

What does an athlete do after the game to prepare for the next week or the season? Yep!  The great ones review game film.  Lots of game film.

They don't review game film to see themselves do things well as much to look at when things didn't go well.  They take that information and...

Continue Reading...

naked

fear vulnerability Jul 20, 2017
 

Get Naked! 

We all fear to some extent being vulnerable.  It feels uncomfortable.  We fear looking bad or not knowing the answers.  We see it in ourselves as being weak and think others will think we are weak if we show up being vulnerable.   The funny thing is that when others are vulnerable, we see it as strength!  When someone shares something personal that is painful, we feel honored.  We feel trusted. (Assuming the share is appropriate).

Brene Brown - one of my favorite people, talks about a moment where she headed to the mall with her daughter and she was only going for a quick errand so she ran out of the house in sweats without makeup or a shower.  :)  Of course, She ran into two other moms in the store.  Brene describes them as skinny, beautiful and totally put together.  Brene was feeling not her best when she notices the moms (and their daughters) staring.  She realizes that her own daughter is dancing to the...

Continue Reading...

rejuvenation

 

How mini breaks and Ponder time can improve your creativity, your problem solving, your mood and your energy.

It is counter intuitive.

We all at times feel that we do not have the time to take a break from our hectic lives.  This is actually the time when it is the most important.

In fact, daily rejuvenation done as a habit will improve your creativity, your decision making, your mood and your energy.

Taking a vacation is not rejuvenation!  

Although you may not "feel" like you have the time to take a break, you do.  Make the choice to support yourself.

Rejuvenation needs to happen often and in short spurts to keep your energy high. 

Taking mini breaks every 20 minutes has been shown to boost decision making, creativity, energy and mood.  Set a timer.  (on your phone, silly)

When it goes off try this:

  • Close your eyes and give them a rest from looking at your screen;
  • Stand up and gently bounce on your toes getting your lymphatic system flowing;
  • If you...
Continue Reading...

Mini Goals

goals mini goals Jun 20, 2017
 

If you have ever procrastinated on taking action towards a goal or had your motivation drop after being all excited about a new goal - this hack will help!

Mini goals help prevent procrastination, improve your motivation beyond the honeymoon phase of goal achievement and improve your self confidence!  Super Cool.  Check out the video to see how you can break down your goal into a mini goal.

Hint: The key to breaking your big goal down is to make it almost impossible to fail!

 

Continue Reading...

Prevent Choking when your Performance Counts.

Uncategorized May 22, 2017
 

Ever choked?

It might have been going blank during an interview, an important exam, at a board meeting or an athletic event. 

Choking is performance way below your ability.

Why does this happen and how can we prevent it?

All choking stems from worry. Negative worry.

Whether you have an important test, an athletic event, a business meeting or presentation - all chocking comes from worrying about the negative consequences of a failure.  Which, oddly enough, creates performance well below our ability - hence a choke!

Studies have shown that although choking can happen in many different types of performance, how we prevent it in sports competition is different than in a test, a meeting, an interview or a presentation.

What happens when we choke?

Our negative thoughts and worries flood the area of our brain that also controls short term memory - our prefrontal cortex.  When our prefrontal cortex is flooded with thoughts of worry, our ability to access our short term memory...

Continue Reading...

Assessment: How to grow and stay confident!

 

When we are working towards mastery we make mistakes. In order to learn a new skill and improve we have to get uncomfortable i.e. out of our comfort zones.

As we learn and things don't as we would like, Olympic gold medalist, Lanny Bassham says we should only have three answers to the question, "How did it go?".

1.  Awesome

2. Okay

3.  This is where it gets tricky!  The negative voice wants to yell that you sucked!  But that isn't helpful.  Instead, respond, "Needs Work".

You gotta love that!

Now, the key here is if you answered with Okay or Needs work - then what?  Endless and mind numbing recreation of the mistake in your mind?  NO!  All that does is reinforces the mistake or the way you do not want to perform!  

Instead, visualize exactly how you want to perform.  Now that increases the neural path of how you want to perform.  That mental visualization will  create the foundation for the actual performance.

Super...

Continue Reading...
Close

97% Complete

Learn 3 Traps to Avoid &

4 Questions to  Answer Igniting

Energy, Courage & Clarity

You have the option to create your System with me.  Look below the download button for this special invitation.